When Life Gives You Lemons... Blog About It

In my previous post I mentioned that one of the issues that is important to me is cancer.  In October, 2007, my grandmother was diagnosed with kidney cancer. She was immediately admitted to the hospital, where she stayed until she died on the 28th of that month. She was one of my best friends. My grandmother was the family member I had the most in common with. It was like she always knew how I really felt, despite the face I tried to put forward. We had a great relationship.

Even though my grandmother went quickly, at least I had some amount of time to come to terms with what was happening and to say goodbye. Some people aren't as fortunate as my family was. On Monday my best friend found out her grandmother had cancer in her liver, lungs, back, and brain. This morning she died. This really put things into perspective for me. I thought I didn't have enough time to say goodbye, but things really can always be worse.

My friend will probably get a lot of comments that go something like 'Well, at least she didn't suffer much'. I got so many of those I lost count.  However, these sorts of condolences did not offer me any sort of comfort at all. I also didn't appreciate questions/comments like 'How are you doing?' or 'At least you have memories' or, my least favorite, 'Do you want to talk about it?'. No, I didn't want to talk about it. I am still not satisfied with only the memories I have, and I think it was pretty obvious that I was not ok. What I really wanted was someone to just sit with me. Not talk, not try to distract me, just give me a hug, and sit with me, in total silence, and hold my hand. My friend did this for me. I didn't even have to ask her, she just knew. She was amazing through that entire season of my life. Now, through these unfortunate circumstances, I have the chance to return the favor. Now, since I've been through what she's going through, I'll know exactly what she needs. I'll know what to do, what to say, and what not to say. I'll know that chicken noodle soup totally fails as 'comfort food' after fourteen people bring it to you... fourteen people in one day. I'll know that fourteen dollars worth of jelly beans, an outrageously oversized blanket, and open arms can be more effective in the healing process than all the I'm sorries the world could offer. Now I know that even though she's hurting more than she ever has now, a good friend that comes to the funeral, sends random texts that says 'I love you', and is willing to watch Miss Congeniality for the twenty-fourth time in a row really shows who really loves you. Although I'm not giving any names in this post, when she reads this, she'll know this is for her.

BFROS darling.