It's been a while, and so much has happened. First off, I was once again cast as a chorus member in Hairspray, so I didn't post because I had nothing good to say. Then my grandfather died a couple days later; more having no good things to say. Then my laptop temporarily broke down so I had no ability to post anything. But now here I am, internet up and running, and at terms with the fact that I might just not have any amazingly awesome things to say for a while. So I'm going to make lemonade from lemons.
The day before Hairspray auditions, I practiced my audition over and over. I had my a capella song down perfect. I was rehearsed, calm, and confident. Then, around 9 that night, my voice completely disappeared. I couldn't talk, much less sing. I couldn't believe it, this was just my luck. My audition song was supposed to be All That Jazz from the musical Chicago, which I can belt like no other. But due to my lack of belting ability the day of the audition, I had to do a last minute switch to Amazing Grace, which is pretty, but not exactly what I had planned for. I'm sure I looked embarassed and unsure while I was singing, because I was. What came out of my mouth in that room was not nearly what I know I was capable of. So I was not at all suprised when all my friends were posting on Facebook about how excited they were about their callbacks and my phone never rang. I stayed up until two that morning (a school night) waiting to get a call, a text, something. Finally, around two thirty, when my phone still hadn't rang, I was resigned to admit I was not going to get a callback. I cried, and my poor mother, who is a teacher, stayed up with me, until three that morning, when she had class in five hours, and didn't leave until I didn't have any tears left. I didn't blame the director. After my audition, I wouldn't have given me a callback either. But I'm a hopeless optimist. I just thought that I might get one because I was sick. I sounded sick, I looked sick, I felt sick. But, since I cried over callbacks, this was the first cast list in a long time I hadn't cried over. After my audition, I was just happy to be cast.
I have also experienced a first in theater for me. I tried out for a show, and for the first time ever in my life, I was not cast. It's hard for me to talk about it, but I've realized that this happens at least sometimes to everyone involved in theater; not everyone gets cast every time. And I suppose that was something I had to learn sooner or later. But, looking at the girls who got the parts I tried out for, they are all tall, blonde, and skinny. I am none of those things. So for all I know it wasn't that I wasn't good or they didn't like me, sometimes you just don't have 'the look'.
Even though this has been a rough year so far theater-wise, the optimistic dreamer inside of me just keeps looking ahead. Someday, when I accept my Oscar for Best Leading Actress, I'll thank all the directors who put me in the back of the chorus, and especially the one who didn't cast me at all, because then I'll remember how long the road was to get me there, and all the bumps, swirves, and crashes involved. But until then, to each upcoming audition, I'll just walk in and say, 'hello again'.
